It somewhat took me by surprise as I never found myself relating to people struggling with the disorder. It was implied that I may have been living in a manic or hypomanic state for the last few months.

As for myself, having been dealing with depression since a young age, I think of my comparable and obvious burst of energy and excitement as signs I am healing and getting better at managing my social anxiety.

I am still quite unsure about the diagnosis. However, some issues, especially the chronic quitting that was caused by some unexplainable urgent urge to pack my bag and start over again might indicate some impulsive decisions I have made in the past year. The whole ordeal eventually led to disappointment in some family members and had me questioning myself whether I am capable of returning to work.

I suspect that instead of having a full-blown mania or hypomania, I may be experiencing some mixed episodes, at least based on my reading on my change of behaviors and overall moods. I’ll have an upcoming appointment on 28 May, just a few days before I start the work that I have been strangely anticipating for this month (even requesting to start the work early). With the endless excitement and godly level of energy, at least I hope will be able to help me go through with the work more easily, and not fucking up like last time.